Studies have shown that nearly 80% of women need direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. 20% or less have said that they orgasm from vaginal stimulation. You know what the counterpart of the penis is in a woman? It’s not the vagina actually, it’s the clitoris, and that’s why it feels so good. The key to most female orgasms comes not from the intercourse, but from direct clitoral stimulation, using the tongue, fingers, or sex toys.
The clitoris is not just a tiny acorn shaped head at the top of the crest of the inner labia but it’s actually about the size of your palm. Most of the clitoris is internal, which means we can’t see it. The external part that you can see and touch is what's called the glans of the clitoris. And above it, just below the skin, you can also feel the clitoral shaft. At the other end of the shaft there are clitoral legs that are shaped like a wishbone and that sit on either side of the vaginal canal, and this is why when you do have penetrative sex, or you do stimulate your vagina, you’re actually accidentally stimulating the clitoris. If you and your partner work on clitoral stimulation, you will find that you are orgasming just fine.
Each clitoris is truly unique, so learning how to access or amplify your clitoral orgasm can take a little bit of trial and error. You need to get to know your own clit intimately in order to pleasure it well. This is why for all the ladies out there, masturbation is something that you should explore and play with regularly. Not only it's fun and pleasurable, but it will teach you about your body and your clit. And understanding your own body is a must when it comes to having good, satisfying orgasms.
If you’re a beginner, we offer the following tips for getting acquainted with your clit.
Step 1: Warm-up
When it comes to getting to any sort of orgasm, warm-up is always crucial. And the longer the warm-up and stimulation lasts, the more satisfying the orgasm will be. So bear that in mind if you're trying to just get there quickly! The clitoral glans is extremely sensitive, packing up to 8000 nerve endings compared with only 4000 in the man’s penis. This is why the clit is usually covered with a piece of skin called clitoral hood. The clit can be stroked and stimulated through the hood, but if even that's a bit too sensitive at first, stroking the surrounding area can be a wonderful way to warm up.
Step 2: Clit fun
Once you are feeling aroused and the clit is more open to touch, it's time for some clit fun! Try stimulating the clitoris through the hood first, meaning don't pull it back but allow it to stay in place while you're stroking the clit. After a while the clitoral glans should be ready for more direct touch. It's better to touch lightly than to be too harsh. Any pain or discomfort will reduce your arousal and might even kill it completely. It's a good idea to also stretch the labia to the sides, exposing more of the skin that is usually tucked away within the folds of the outer and inner lips. Next, you can explore different parts of the clitoris that feel particularly sensitive but often the top-left quadrant is going to feel really exquisitely sensitive. So slow repetitive stroking of the clitoris for a period of time.
Another fun way to play with the clit is to draw different shapes or letters on it, or to tap it, or to tease it by allowing your finger or fingers to touch it and then move away and wander around it, before finally touching it again, etc. Make sure to also vary the pressure and speed of your touch. There is no rush here so give yourself plenty of time to have some quality exploration of the clit.
Once you are ready to go all the way to the orgasm, remember that the clit likes short, fast and gentle strokes. Imagine that you're stroking the lid of your eye. That's the pressure you should be using here. The length of the stroke should be no more than 1 cm and the speed should be quite fast. Keep going until you reach the state of sweet orgasmic release.
Step 3: Edging
The third technique to experience the most exquisite clitoral orgasm of your life is to use the practice of edging. Edging is where you allow yourself to build up to the point of climax but not go over into climax. When you edge, you bring yourself up to the edge of orgasm and then you back away, before going up to the edge of orgasm again. If you do this a series of times when you do experience orgasm, it’s gonna feel exquisitely more effervescent, more pleasurable, more amazing.
What if you can’t get there?
Now, some women struggle to get over the edge of orgasm. They can get aroused and feel pleasure but can at times struggle to quite get there. In such cases, it's usually helpful to take the goal of orgasm off the table. The pressure of needing to get there can be a sure mood killer, so remember that it's perfectly okay if the orgasm does not happen. It's better here to just focus on the pleasure and enjoy the process, instead of trying to push the body to achieve a particular outcome, like a climax.
But what can also really help here is a vibrator. Many women report that they can come with a vibrator much more easily than without it. So don't be shy and keep a vibrating toy handy. Sex toys are a wonderful way to add to and to enrich your sex life.